By Alex 
2019: The Beginning of My Menopause Journey
I never imagined when menopause symptoms might creep into my life. At 44, it blindsided me. One night, I went to bed feeling fine and woke up having a full-blown panic attack, something which I’d never experienced in my life before. I thought I was dying. My husband had to rush me to the nearest emergency clinic, but after a series of tests, nothing was conclusive and the doctors put it down to severe dehydration. They didn’t even mention perimenopause.
At the same time, my confidence at work began to crumble. As a professional wedding photographer, I had loved my job for over a decade, but something had shifted. I second-guessed myself constantly, and the stress became unbearable. I decided to step away from weddings, but I never connected my anxiety to perimenopause.
A visit to my GP led to a prescription for antidepressants, menopause wasn’t even discussed. Initially, they plunged me into a terrifying spiral of panic attacks and intrusive thoughts. Slowly, things improved, but I still felt far from normal. Then, in 2020, COVID-19 arrived. I lost my Mum that April, and while the antidepressants dulled my grief, the pandemic gave me an unexpected break: I cancelled my wedding bookings, refunded deposits, and felt relief despite financial strain. Yet, I was treating the symptoms, not the cause.
Discovering Cycling
Around the same time, my husband suggested I try cycling. It was a return to something I’d loved as a kid but had long since abandoned. He bought me a gravel bike – a great compromise between riding on and off road. My first outing on the gravel bike was nerve-wracking—I felt unsteady and out of control, nothing like when you’re a kid and can just jump on without any fear. But despite my fears, I loved the freedom and the feeling it gave me.
Cycling became a lifeline. Over time, I gained confidence, navigating traffic, experimenting with clip-in pedals (and falling a few times!), and tackling longer rides. Cycling wasn’t just exercise; it was therapy. It emptied my mind of everything except the moment and reconnected me with nature. It showed me that I could overcome challenges and gave me a sense of accomplishment I had never felt before.
By 2023, cycling had become an integral part of my life. It helped me stay active, clear my mind, and build resilience, but other parts of my life still felt off. My emotions were flatlined from antidepressants, and I had no sense of purpose. I knew I needed more than just cycling to feel whole again.